2004-02-15 Homosexual Marriage and Civilization/text/4

The War On Marriage
 Of course, in our current society we are two generations into the systematic destruction of the institution of marriage. In my childhood, it was rare to know someone whose parents were divorced; now, it seems almost as rare to find someone whose parents have never been divorced.

And a growing number of children grow up in partial families not because of divorce, but because there never was a marriage at all.

The damage caused to children by divorce and illegitimate birth is obvious and devastating. While apologists for the current system are quick to blame poverty resulting from "deadbeat dads" as the cause, the children themselves know this is ludicrous.

There are plenty of poor families with both parents present whose children grow up knowing they are loved and having good role models from both parents.

And there are plenty of kids whose divorced parents have scads of money -- but whose lives are deformed by the absence of one of their parents in their lives.

Most broken or wounded families are in that condition because of a missing father. There is substantial and growing evidence that our society's contempt for the role of the father in the family is responsible for a massive number of "lost" children.

Only when the father became powerless or absent in the lives of huge numbers of children did we start to realize some of the things people need a father for: laying the groundwork for a sense of moral judgment; praise that is believed so that it can instill genuine self-confidence.

People lacking in fundamental self-esteem don't need gold stars passed out to everyone in their class. Chances are, they need a father who will say -- and mean -- "I'm proud of you."

This is an oversimplification of a very complex system. There are marriages that desperately need to be dissolved for the safety of the children, for instance, and divorced parents who do a very good job of keeping both parents closely involved in the children's lives.

But you have to be in gross denial not to know that children would almost always rather have grown up with Dad and Mom in their proper places at home. Most kids would rather that, instead of divorcing, their parents would acquire the strength or maturity to stop doing the things that make the other parent want to leave.

Summary

 * Marriage is in the process of being systematically destroyed.
 * This is evidenced by the dramatic increase in divorces and the number of children who are born out of wedlock and grow up without a father.
 * This destruction has been going on for two generations.
 * The lives of children who grow up with one parent missing are "deformed"
 * Growing up with one parent missing is worse than growing up poor, even if you have plenty of money
 * When one parent is missing, it is usually the father
 * Only fathers can:
 * laying down the groundwork for a sense of moral judgment
 * give praise that is believable
 * believable praise is necessary for genuine self-confidence
 * Concession: some marriages are bad for the kids, and some divorced parents are able to raise kids jointly
 * ...but most kids would rather have both parents at home
 * Most kids would prefer that parents acquire the strength or maturity to change their behaviors so no divorce would be necessary